The required reading for my summer studies includes my past journals. Doing so has reminded me of lessons learned throughout the years, and I have benefited from reviewing the many ways God has continued to work in, on, and through me. In one entry I referenced a visit to a church cemetery in Switzerland. I had gone there to reflect and pray, and I sat upon a bench that was next to a tall wooden cross. Within my vision was the village clock, positioned upon the church’s bell tower. There was something powerfully symbolic about the cross and the clock that resonated in my soul. I recorded the moment for future pondering.
That pondering came in class this past week. Truth be told, I do not think I passed the class this week, or if I did, it was with a very poor grade. More than likely my Instructor will be having me do a lot of review and a few make-up tests. After the previous post, I thought I had this whole summer school thing mastered. Nope. That thought was an epic fail. I have been striving so hard to live well this summer that I have hardly been living at all. I have not taken the time to be still and internalize the knowledge that He is God. I am, in fact, fighting Time and by doing so, I am fighting Christ.
I have been viewing Time and Jesus as separate entities. Time is a tool of Christ’s will. He uses it to refine individuals, draw His children closer to Himself, and bring glory to His name. If I rebel against the nature of Time in my life, I am directly rebelling against the Timekeeper. In my case, God has given me these precious weeks to be still, reflect, make memories, and prepare for the significant changes in the autumn. Never again will I have a summer quite like this or be able to make these specific memories with the beloved people who surround me right now. The lesson seems obvious enough, does it not? So what is the catch?
The challenge is in the letting go. When I surrender to the divine pace of Time, I feel like I am losing control. But that’s not true. I was never in control of Time in the first place. All that I am “letting go” of is my will and that is a step of faith. It is saying that I trust God’s plan more than mine. It is showing appreciation for the life He has given me. The more I think about it, the more I realize that life is all about letting go. This is why I, as a Christian, can live freely and with rejoicing. I can allow God to design His pattern in the details of my schedule. When my plans go awry, I can relax because that is a mere reminder of a temporal world. Yet as temporal as this earth is, Jesus is eternal. He works in spite of me. He does not need a perfect human in me in order to accomplish His will. His will shines through my imperfection. This is why I can rejoice.
I am disappointed with how I lived last week, but I don’t want it to have been a wasted week. I pray that from this point forward I will allow disappointments and failures to slip quickly from my shoulders. I want to live freely in Christ’s strength and righteousness. He will work through me of His own accord and in that I can rejoice! May that be my daily heartbeat: Rejoice! And now that I see how I have been fighting Time, and therefore Jesus, I will seek to take control of my fear of being still. I will invite Jesus to come into the details of my life and hand Him my planner so that He can arrange it according to His will. I will visit with Him, giving Him my full attention…and I will hide the clock.