weeklythoughtexchange

It is Christmas Eve; as I write this, I can clearly see my nativity scene. It is complete now.  One figurine was added every day of December. There is an eclectic collection of angels, a little Precious Moments  boy playing his piano, an assortment of shepherds and wise men, a variety of farm animals, definitely Joseph and Mary. Baby Jesus was added today.  At the stable entrance a simple cross stands boldly for all to see. Across its arms the reminder is written that ‘God is Love.’  After 24 days of waiting, everyone has arrived to stand in awe of God in flesh.

The Christmas story unfolds on a daily basis for me.  When I read the first accounts of it in the gospels of Matthew and Luke, I encounter a variety of responses to the Birth Announcement.  Shock. Skepticism. Ecstasy. Determination. Awe. Reverence. Humility.  Some ran; some journeyed; some exulted; some travailed.  They all arrived to worship the Savior. Some came to the manger while others finally reached up to Him at the cross.   All of these responses occur in my heart throughout the year.

There are days when I am running to Jesus with such joy in my heart! The awareness of my blessings reverberates in every corner of my home, and I feel that special excitement that only a newborn child can bring into the world.  There are other days when the awe of Christ’s sacrifice slow me down, and I can only reflectively walk through the day as I ponder the weighty responsibility that comes with being a Christ-follower.  Frequently the temporal seeks to overwhelm the eternal. At these times it requires extreme effort to remember that joy is mine and to live the victory that comes from the birth and death of my King.  But whether it is with ease or struggle, I arrive at the feet of  Jesus in reverence and humility: stunned that this newborn King would bear my name on that tree.

Every year is a world’s journey to Christmas. Slowly they come – some to the manger and some to the cross. But every year a few more people reach the Savior of their souls.

Facebook is not always conducive to cultivating a heart of contentment; usually the newsfeed is filled with what our friends want us to see, and that’s not always their daily reality.  We see the beautifully decorated living rooms and gracefully trimmed trees – not the worn out cardboard boxes for storing Christmas decorations, the stray bits of tissue paper, or the dried pine needles littering the carpet that manage to escape the clean-up process in my home.  And somehow days of disaster turn into humorous retellings of diaper blow-outs or obnoxious pets knocking over valuable family heirlooms or being locked out of the house with the dog and the baby.  The overflow of desperate emotions doesn’t manage to make it into the status update, and when my days of disaster occur I somehow feel like the only emotional basket-case on the block.   I can’t help but compare every aspect of my life to everyone else’s and timidly peek through my fingers at the result: will their lives prove to be better than mine?  As I approach the new year this is a habit that I pray to have removed from my heart.

You see, my time with Jesus has revealed to me that the root of discontent is found in a heart that lacks gratitude.  A truly thankful heart has no room to nurse seeds of envy, jealousy, or covetousness. A heart that is focused on counting her blessings will not have time to consider being discontent.  In fact, a grateful heart would shudder at the thought of wanting a different life or anything other than what she has.  Starting today I am going to construct the habit of gratitude within my daily life.  This habit may seem simple, but its effects will be far-reaching within my life and the lives of those around me.   Here are a few of the things I am humbly grateful for today:

*My husband who is a faithful example of Jesus to me. He tenderly guides me through my turbulent emotions, faithfully protects me from the worries and doubts that assail my mind on a daily basis, and diligently provides for me even when doing so consumes all of his own free time.

*My son who is becoming verbal and adorably interactive.  He sleeps beautifully at night and enjoys a routine that allows me to have time to do extra things.  It is fulfilling to watch him grow and discover every day.

*My obnoxious pets. Each one is a source of delightful entertainment.

*My cozy home.  I love having a space to call my own and in which I can offer hospitality to our dear friends and family.

*Most of all, I am so grateful for Jesus. Without Him and His mercy, I would have none of the gifts just named.  He provides me with innumerable second chances to try again, and again, and again.  He equips me with the desire to live a holy life and the strength to pursue that desire.  He will complete the good work that He has begun in me.

Galatians 2:21 states, “I do not nullify the grace of God; for if righteousness comes through the Law, then Christ died needlessly.”  I am only now beginning to recognize the profundity of this verse.  My default tendency is to work for my salvation and do daily penance for all of my sins.  But my husband continues to point me to the Word of God and the promises therein of the complete payment for those sins that was made on the Cross so long ago.  I want to live the costly freedom that is mine.  Living with gratitude embodies that freedom.

My heart is filled with farewell today.  Tomorrow I will be snuggling my kitty for the very last time.  She is such a familiar face in my little world.  Dingo came to me on my twelfth birthday.  Twelve is that age when a girl very much wants to be all grown up, but she is still a little girl deep inside.  It’s that age when she really wants a lot of friends, but the other girls her age don’t try to be very nice to her.  When a girl is twelve, she starts to have those stirrings in her heart for someone all her own to care for, someone who truly needs her and wants her more than anyone else.  So when that shoebox of orphan kittens came to me on my twelfth birthday, it was a heaven-sent gift.

Dingo was the ugliest, scrawniest little gray thing I had ever seen, but when she opened her enormous, face-filling eyes and looked into mine we had an instant connection.  I was able to give her brother to another family, but Dingo had claimed my twelve-year old heart and we were inseparable.  I would carry her all around the house with her front paws resting on my shoulder and her large eyes observing the world around her just like a baby would.   My room was filled with the kind of cozy beds any cat would covet, but Dingo laid claim to my bed.   Now that I think about it, she didn’t leave my pillows too often on her own volition. She preferred to be carried from one soft pillow to another.   But for a cat who is content to stay in one room, on one pillow, all day, she sure did get around.  Before she was three -years old she moved to Africa for eighteen months. On her way back to Hawaii she spent a leisurely few months in Colorado.  She thought her travelling days were finished and settled into my studio apartment with great dignity, but when she was sixteen she moved one more time to another town and a bigger apartment.  And her favorite room in the house? My bedroom.

I was her number one person. I had no need for a Teddy bear to sleep with because she would curl up in the crook of my arm and contentedly purr there all night.  That was her favorite spot, but she had no problem with lying on my chest, back, or head.  I was a little concerned with how she would react to someone else in our bed after I got married, but she determinedly laid claim to my husband’s pillow too – or his back…or his chest.    No matter how many trips I took, baby animals I fostered, or children I cared for, whenever I crawled into bed at night she was instantly there, and I knew that all was well in my world.  Countless tears have been shed into her fur as I dealt with shattered dreams, broken hearts, or crushing disappointment. And countless nights she has soothed me back to sleep with her attempts at purring.  She and I were a match made in heaven; all of my future included her.

Death is coming to take my beloved friend tomorrow.    She might just be a cat; she might be two months shy of eighteen; but she has been a constant in my life.  Her smell, her sounds, her warmth, her snuggles are what have brought me through many difficult times. She has been with me through many key transitional periods; but the hardest one that we’ll ever have to go through is the one that will separate us forever.  I am almost thirty. Almost thirty is that age when a woman very much wants to be a little girl again so that she can see her old friend as a kitten. It’s that age when she has a lot of nice friends, but they don’t have that special way of almost purring, like her old friend has, that lets her know all is well in her little world.  When a woman is almost thirty, her dreams for a loving husband and adorable baby have come true; they need her and want her more than anyone else, yet she also wants her old friend to be able to live forever – the cat she always wanted.

It’s still a journey. Today I made two pies for Thanksgiving and am working on a stew for tonight’s meal. Along with cleaning the kitchen, I want to wash the floors and clean the bathrooms. That doesn’t include the menu for the next two weeks and the shopping list to go with it. I would like to work on some Christmas gift projects too. Oh wait! I also have a three-month old to feed and clean up after, an elderly cat that needs to be fed several times a day, and I can’t forget to feed myself and stay hydrated.  I almost forgot the baby laundry that needs folding.

All of these things matter to me – the things I must do and the things I just want to do (like writing this blog).  I would like to do all of them, but that just doesn’t seem possible.  It frustrates me that self-denial often means seeing my to-do list get longer and longer. It’s exhausting trying to mange my time and energy in the most efficient way. What it comes down to is that I still have a personality that wants to exceed my expectations; when I exceed one, I set the next even higher. I desire pristine: a pristinely clean house, a pristinely completed to-do list, pristinely cared for pets, husband, and baby. I haven’t adapted to “interruptions” from a child or a waning supply of energy. It leaves me feeling so disappointed with myself at the end of the day.

After talking with a few different people about this struggle of mine, I see how simplicity can apply here too, in the form of grace. The standards and expectations I have set for myself and each day need to be replaced with grace. When I don’t get everything done, or do, but not in the way I prefer, I must apply grace: grace that lets me breathe between tasks; grace that lets me snuggle my husband in the morning; grace that lets me bask in my son’s smiles and coos after his feedings; grace that lets me love on my old kitty throughout the day.

Truthfully, these are the moments that matter more to my heart than anything else.  I don’t want circumstances to negatively affect my relationships; that is what happens when I become angry, frustrated, or tired from being busy with many things. Instead, my relationships should influence how I do my other things. What a joy to clean the bathrooms and floors so that my husband feels comfortable at home. What a delight to make carefully planned meals that he can savor. And remember when I couldn’t wait to wash my little one’s laundry because that meant I had a little one? This is giving myself grace for today and in the process is extending grace to my loved ones as well.

Jesus, please show me how to reorient my thinking so that grace can flow freely through my life. Thank you for being the perfect example of grace.

Maybe the floors and bathrooms can wait.

My journey towards simplicity has revealed to me how tired I am.  I am eager to dispose of any unnecessary drain on my energy. I’ve pulled out my tomato plants because their gradual demise towards brown was depressing to me; I’ve cleared my shelves of all but the most treasured of decorations so that dusting is a breeze; my wardrobe is shrinking as I limit the inhabitants of my drawers and closet to easy favorites.   Yet my energy supply continues to frequently hover near empty in the late afternoon, particularly on Sundays.  Last Sunday proved to be the proverbial straw that ended it for the ill-fated camel.

After church I found myself on the brink of sobbing. I was especially impatient with my incredibly patient husband – for no reason other than that he was tired too.  I didn’t speak kindly to him for the majority of the afternoon.  Finally, I took the dog and the baby and power-walked up the steep hill near our home.  I let my mind run its course, venting a wordless prayer every few minutes, trusting that the Lord knew I wanted to reunite with my sane self.  A repetitive thought through the unwinding of my mind was how tired I was and, near the top of the hill, it finally clicked – I wasn’t resting as the Lord commanded.

Sunday is universally known as the day of rest – and has maintained this reputation from the beginning of time.  As our society increases its frantic pace, our busy schedules are taking over Sunday minute by minute.  It’s a novelty to see a Closed sign on a shop these days, and every business that is open means someone is working.  We tend to think nothing of it; Sunday is just another day.  I am no exception to that. But I believe that our bodies are designed for a day of rest; we cannot function at maximum capacity without that break. Something will give; someone will suffer, eventually. I know. It happened to me.

The minute I had that realization I could feel the heavy darkness on my spirit begin to lighten.  For the rest of my walk I made a few simple resolutions to restore rest to my week. I shared them with my husband and he agreed that we should make more of an effort to turn Sunday into a day of restoration, revitalization, and relaxation for our body, mind, spirit, and family.  Here are the resolutions:

1. We will make our date nights on Fridays so that we can go to bed in a timely fashion on Saturdays, making it easier to get to church on time.

2. I will make a concerted effort on Saturday to prepare food and clean the kitchen so that I will have no problem not doing dishes on Sunday. Food on Sundays will be simple.

3. Mondays will be designated for getting the house back in order.

4. I will put my phone away on Sunday.

5. We will try to do something special to build relationships with other people a couple of Sundays a month.

6. I will power walk up my hill every Sunday afternoon.

Making  rest a priority requires me to keep my schedule simple. It also provides time for my mind to clear, my heart to be refreshed, and my spirit to reconnect with the One who declares, “Be still and know that I am God”.

In my journey towards a simpler life I began considering Christmas.  This holiday is dear to me; I am ever on the search for ways to make each one uniquely memorable and this often involves the gifts I give.  I don’t like to merely give gifts for the sake of gift-giving. The process of finding and preparing the just-right item for those special people in my life is a significant part of making my Christmas season festive and poignant each year.

This year it is no different and, in fact, the process has begun now.  I have long been a devoted book collector. I own a tremendously cherished library of books in all genres. They range from a college nutrition textbook to the New England primer.  I have books in French and German, as well as the original Noah Webster dictionary.   I believe that a glimpse into someone’s library is truly a peek into their soul.   With this in mind, I have decided to sift through my library in order to select a few books that I would like to pass on to certain dear people this Christmas.  I am handpicking books that I enjoyed reading and that I believe would be a good match for them.  As I select each book, I am also going through it and copying down the highlighted portions along with the written notes I scribbled inside each one.  This is allowing me to refresh my memory about what I gleaned from that particular volume and in passing it on with my marks inside of it I am sharing a unique journey with the friend I give it to.

There are times when I waver and consider returning that literary friend to its former spot on my bookshelf; then I regain my conviction as I scan the titles of all of the books that I have not yet read. By relinquishing some of my paper and ink friends to new owners, I am providing myself with renewed opportunities to form new acquaintances with, as of yet, undiscovered thoughts, ideas, and inspirations.  Each book will leave my home with a carefully penned note:

“This book has been an honored inhabitant of my bookshelf for some time. The words within it are linked to many fond memories in my heart. Being a dear friend of mine, I would like to share this treasure with you. I hope that you will create many fond memories with it, as I have. Perhaps one day you will decide to allow it to continue its journey to yet another seeking mind or perhaps you will decide to keep it on your bookshelf. The main thing is that it is read again…and again.  I would be delighted to peek into your inner heart one day as well.”

Who knows? Perhaps you will be an honored recipient of one of my books this Christmas.

A recurring theme in my heart is the pursuit of a simple life.  Hence, the creation of schedules, lists, and an ardent love of Post-It notes; the continual effort to organize and sort my possessions; the yearning to establish traditions for my family so that the important values of life are not forgotten or neglected.  Nothing highlights this theme more than having a child and not wanting to miss out on his discoveries due to too many priorities.

Yet how is simplicity achieved in this complicated, demanding world? I want to be free of materialism, but there is always something that catches my eye on Amazon and makes me convinced that I need it. I would like to be less of a perfectionist in house-keeping, but then I think of my Swiss roots and don’t want to shame them with a dirty house.  A life that is disconnected from electronics sounds amazing, but my Iphone is just so convenient!

What, in fact, does a simple life look like? Sometimes I think of the pioneer days when shopping consisted of a general store and a burlap sack for purchases.  Yet they would probably look at my life and say that I have it simple because I don’t have to make soap from scratch or cook my soup in a kettle over an open fire.  I can’t say that I have an answer just yet, but I will share my progress on this journey with you.  This post and those following will probably reflect tidbits of my learning.

In my mind I keep seeing that well-known phrase from 1 Corinthians 13: ‘For now we see in a mirror dimly…’  I think I better understand what it means now. I catch glimpses, throughout the day, of how life should be – or rather, how I should be:

-Fading out the world and focusing 100% on the loved one in my presence

-Absorbing life with all of my senses at once

-Responding to challenges with gratitude instead of complaints

-Resting when I should

-Choosing joy and living with gracefulness

-Selecting Christ-glorifying priorities

-Acting upon the urge to squeal with joy or run up and hug my husband’s neck just because

It frustrates me that these are only glimpses and not consistent reality.  But that’s me seeing ‘dimly.’ One day it will be the only reality. My response to this realization? Hold on to what I see, memorize it, and apply it whenever possible. When I look in that mirror, I can only see my reflection because there is something to reflect upon.  The same is true in life. These glimpses are glimmers of hope. I see them since Christ is working in me to refine me in His image. He won’t quit and neither should I. True simplicity is found in having ‘God-set’ priorities and being able to focus completely on them.  Right now I am still battling the distractions of a messy world. Let me rejoice that I am seeing. For the joy set before me I will endure and one day there will be no need for a mirror.