weeklythoughtexchange

“I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for which it stands. One nation, under God, with liberty and justice for all.”

Each school day we begin our lessons with a recitation of this pledge and the pledge to the Bible. The other day I was struck with the realization that these are more than just words I am repeating; this is a promise I am making and teaching my children to make. What exactly does this promise mean?

Pledging allegiance means promising loyalty. In this case I am promising loyalty to all the flag of our country represents. It represents a republic where the citizens govern. It represents a nation under God, which means that religious liberty is foundational to who we are and how we live as a people. It flies over a union, declaring that we the people must work together and communicate through our differences in order to prosper. Our flag is a symbol of liberty and justice for all: every beating heart and living soul in this country. This is to what I am promising loyalty. How do I keep this promise?

In light of current events both personally and nationally, I feel more sorrow than pride when I gaze upon the Stars and Stripes. I am struck with all that once was good and great about our land and how much honor has been discarded. It is difficult to be patriotic when injustice and shame fill the headlines on a daily basis. Or is it? Perhaps this a time when, more than ever before, patriotism is needed.

Perhaps a time such as this is exactly why we pledge allegiance. It’s not merely for the times of prosperity and national pride; it is for the times when evil appears to have the upper hand. In this tick mark on the timeline, we who love our country must exercise our constitutional rights, speak up for the voiceless, and be vibrant citizens. How?

• Build friendships with our neighbors
• Care about our communities by keeping them clean and assisting those in need.
• Teach our children about our history, both the honorable and shameful aspects, so they can form their own thoughts about the future.
• Speak up in local politics
• Be informed about what’s happening in our government but don’t depend on mainstream media. Find news sources that strive to be objective.
• Read the Constitution and the Bill of Rights. Many things that claim to be law are not. Many who claim to have power do not.
• Be bold no matter what. A conviction isn’t worth having unless you are ready to sacrifice for it.
• Fly the flag

Pledging allegiance to the flag of the United States of America means that when everyone else is trampling upon this symbol of freedom, I will pick it up and wave it high. Will you?

I’ve been thinking about all of the things that make a day richer and am surprised by how difficult they are to accomplish! Things like:

• Belly laughing
• Dancing with the music
• Baking cookies
• Standing still outside and listening
• Painting with watercolors
• Sitting on the floor and playing with my children
• Reading a book of my own choosing for 15 minutes each day
• Bear hugs
• Memorizing a Bible verse
• Singing at the top of my lungs
• Long walks
• Stretching like a cat when I wake up
• Taking a power nap

I think I’m going to make an old year resolution to try to do at least one of these every day. Someone once said that life is happening now so we shouldn’t put off doing the things that are meaningful to us. What old year resolution do you want to make?

It’s wonderful having a newborn around again. We have had a newborn in the house every year for the past 7 years and it never gets old. Newborns have traits that are unique to their stage of human development and those traits are endearing: the long process of waking up which is so exhausting that they fall back asleep not long after becoming awake; their squishiness; their ability to snuggle in close for hours at a time; the adorable curling of toes; the tight grasp of the tiniest fingers in the world.

And of course, there is the thousand yard stare. In these first weeks, our littlest girl gazes intently into space, apparently at nothing. She knows something is out there but can’t quite see it clearly. But I’ve noticed that if I pull her close to me and look right into her eyes, she is able to focus on my face. Immediately her eyes will light up and every so often a smile of recognition will spread across her tiny face.

The first time this happened I felt a nudge in my heart; this was something from which I could learn. I can feel very small in the midst of my daily challenges and all of the world’s problems; gazing into space may seem like the only way to manage my sanity. But it’s not the only way. The true solution is in drawing closer to Jesus. How do I do that when I blink and the day is already over?

Life with 7 children ranging in age from 7 years old to a month old has shown me that drawing close to Jesus needs to be woven into my day.

Rocket prayers are a necessity: throughout the day I am firing up little prayers for wisdom, patience, gentleness, kindness and grace- sometimes aloud and sometimes silently. When I read the Bible to the children, I soak it in for myself too. And when I help them memorize verses and hymns, I’m also memorizing them. But most of all, when I’m admonishing them to remember Jesus, I am admonishing myself.

The beautiful thing about it is that God wastes nothing! While I shepherd these little ones, He shepherds me. As a mom, I have neither arrived nor completely failed in the stewardship of these souls. I am still prone to gazing far into space at the start of a new day but I’m also looking into His face more intently and finding rest there.

There are days when I think to myself, “I would like to be more like Quinley.” It’s usually after you have, yet again, cheerfully shown initiative to serve a family member or patiently helped your younger brothers in some way or offered an uplifting word to me when I’m sad or shown sincere concern to someone hurting. While these are good things that most people do occasionally, for you they seem to come as naturally as breathing.

From toddlerhood, I noticed that you were uniquely aware of other people’s emotional experiences. As soon as you could talk, you commented on loneliness and sadness, even in strangers. This gift of empathy has only matured now that you are six years old. You step out of your comfort zone in order to alleviate the discomfort of others- like making cards for people who are sad or ill or offering to do extra chores around the house so that I don’t have to or picking up after younger siblings so they don’t get in trouble. At times I have to stop you from helping in order to give others a chance to serve. What an unusual problem for me to have!

I delight in the conversations we have together. You take such pains to be grown up in your word choice. You have asked if I could save all of our baby clothes so you can have them for your children. You plan to be a babysitter when you grow up so that moms can have some time to themselves or some help around the house. You ponder everything from the passing away of loved ones to marriage and motherhood to what meals you hope to prepare one day. But your youthfulness still shines through in the most adorable fashion- like when you mentioned that the kitten curled up next to you was “pearling” (instead of purring) or that your clothes and shoes are “outgrowing you.”

Your work ethic is also inspiring. Not only are you diligent with your daily chores and the extras you beg to do, you are equally faithful in your academics. This became apparent when I heard you practicing your sight words on your own time and saw you perfecting your handwriting just because you wanted to. Once I had introduced you to the basics of reading you taught yourself the rest and practiced until you had mastered it. You are equally faithful in memorizing Bible verses, our family songs and poems.

As soon as you woke up this morning you asked, “Am I six yet?” When I said yes, you looked a little wistful. I asked if you felt like you were six and you replied, “I still feel like I’m five” and I think that was comforting to you. I share your wistfulness; I treasure these little girl years with you and want them to last forever but it’s beautiful watching your life blossom. Since we can’t freeze time let’s dance today; let’s write letters and read and do all our favorite things- today and every day. And most of all, continue being just who you are.

“For when we judge the actions of others solely by their effects upon ourselves, we frequently have a false or incomplete understanding of the circumstances.”

During my postpartum convalescence, I am soaking in many good words and ideas from various authors and allowing them to marinate in my soul for future application. The quote above from Dear Jane Austen resonated with me for I recognized that I do this very thing. Whether my children are having irrational emotional outbursts or something someone said rubbed me the wrong way or my husband and I have differing opinions, my negative reactions are usually triggered by how these people are making my life difficult; I’m not taking in the bigger picture, including the experiences of the other people.

This is especially evident in parenting. On those mornings when I get a late start on the day or those nights when delay after delay pushes back dinner and makes bedtime even later, my frayed nerves threaten to snap. Other times there’s constant squabbling or I’ve introduced a special activity that falls into disarray. These situations quickly turn into stressors and again I can’t see past how they are making me feel rather than stepping back and assessing the small crisis objectively. All I can think about is how stressed I am and the tasks ahead feel like Mts. Everest and Kilimanjaro combined. The focus is on me and not them- why are they falling apart? What could I do to diffuse their tension and beckon peace back into the home?

With that said, recognizing the bigger picture of my own life: current events, health trials, exhaustion, etc. is also important. Just as I need to be aware of the roads other people are traversing, I need to do the same for myself. Extending grace to all is a key aspect in leading a peaceful life. The quote above continues on to say, “Rather, give others the benefit of the doubt and assume their motives are innocent unless and until good sense directs you to do otherwise.” Most likely my children aren’t scheming to make my life miserable; my friends aren’t trying to offend; my husband has valid justification for his own opinions. And neither do I have ill motives towards others.

But how do we extend grace to ourselves and others? These are a few steps I want to make into habits:

• Step away: pause, pray, and breathe in order to get a proper perspective on the situation. This can be done in the midst of the situation or in a quiet place away from it.
• Step forward: return to the situation with a peaceful demeanor and a quiet tone. Look in the faces of those around you and smile at them.
• Step in: resume the activity or the conversation. Maybe try a different approach and talk to the others about how they are feeling.

In striving to help my children overcome the challenges presented by their sin natures, I am confronted with my own sin nature. I have to submit to the sanctification process that comes through my children and every other human being I interact with each day. Yes, I feel miserable when I lose my cool. Yes, I regret when I’ve wasted time criticizing people rather than speaking well of them. Yes, I wish I set a more consistent example of Christlikeness for my children than I do. But how encouraging it is when I catch glimpses of progress- like those chaotic times when I stay peaceful!

Just under 5 years ago I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. It was my first birth sans epidural and I was stunned by the force and pain that came with transition and delivery. When I cried out to the OB, “What is happening to me?” The cold reply was, “This is what you asked for.”

Flash forward to 6 days ago. I was laboring with my seventh child and preparing to have my fourth home birth. After nearly two months of health issues and unique stress in our family, I wondered how this labor was going to go. I battled anxiety, concerned that my body simply wouldn’t relax enough to deliver or that I would have the energy to do so. But i combatted the anxiety with hope and confidence from having done it before: I could do it again!

Labor began around 5:30 am and by 7:00 my birth team had arrived. I was eager for a 5 hour labor and smooth delivery just like the one last year. But as the hours ticked by and contractions progressed but oh! So slowly! I began to feel discouraged and bewildered. What was I doing wrong? Was there really going to be a baby today? I felt bad about taking people away from home for what seemed to me like a false alarm. Perhaps I had made the call prematurely.

Throughout the day, no matter how disheartened I felt, my birth team cheered me on. Jared strummed the ukulele and sang to me. He prayed over me and whispered affirmations into my ear. The ladies surrounding me continually encouraged me and pointed out the progress being made. As the morning turned into the afternoon, I could feel my energy flagging. At this point, genuine fear begin to creep in. What would happen if I couldn’t push the baby out? My midwives saw the fear and immediately stepped in. They told me what needed to be done, positioned me to best facilitate the baby and then left the room so my body could finish the job. Within 10 minutes a baby was being born.

Pushing that baby out was the most exhilarating and liberating experience! I welcomed that pain because I knew what it meant: the finish line was within reach. This baby I had nurtured inside for ten and one-half months would be in my arms within moments. I delivered that child with a reserve of energy I didn’t even know I had. Truthfully, it wasn’t my energy or strength that brought Tehillah into this world; it was God’s. He promised me all along that He would carry me through. I had myopically assumed that meant He would make it easy, pain free even, so that I could do it. That was the farthest thing from the truth; I felt every nanosecond of that birth and difficult hardly begins to describe what happened. He brought me to the end of myself so I could experience His sustenance and faithfulness.

In those last moments of labor I had flashbacks to the traumatic birth of our second daughter and I pondered how this one was different. The major difference was that nearly five years ago I was blamed for my pain and told that my agony was a bad thing. This time, those providing my care were celebrating my strength and assuring me that I could do this. Pain wasn’t viewed as bad in any way; it was viewed as a channel of empowerment. My choices for this birth gave me an opportunity to see what my body could do. What a difference it makes how people interpret our pain!

There is no question that our birth stories become a part of who we are. I, for one, place great weight on my births and what they reveal about me. But this one in particular taught me that hard doesn’t always mean bad; perfect doesn’t always mean things go as planned; and beautiful doesn’t always mean easy. Life, babies, and births are unpredictable and embracing that fact makes me a stronger, more resilient person.

As I hold my miraculous new daughter and reflect back on my freshest birth story, the dominating emotion which colors it is gratitude.

In a 9/11 commemorative speech I watched, a statement was made that will probably become one of those oft-repeated historical quotes: “The terrorists soon discovered that a random group of Americans is an exceptional group of people.” I have repeated that quote over and over to myself since hearing it and pondered on how our country has changed in the past two decades.

As a nation we vowed “never again!” Never again would we be attacked on our own soil. Never again would we allow ourselves to be so vulnerable. Never again would we be caught with our guard down. We vowed to remain united in fighting this war on terrorism, a unique war because our enemy was usually unseen until the blood was spilled. Have we kept our vow?

After 9/11 life began to change, especially with travel. Bit by bit we agreed to lose some of our autonomy for the sake of security. We exchanged some of our human dignity for safety. So what if we have to walk barefoot or have our bodies groped? as long as our plane doesn’t explode, that’s what matters, right? We soon settled into this new normal and life moved on. Flash forward 20 years and our country is now paralyzed with fear. This is hardly the same place that recovered so boldly from the carnage of 9/11. What happened?

From its founding, America has been developed and protected by its citizens. Expansion and progress, as controversial as some of them may have been, were based on the ideals of freedom and personal liberty. Civil rights and liberty banners have been waved throughout the course of our short national history- why? Because it’s common knowledge that America is the land of the free: here we are free to live, free to grow, free to worship, free to speak our minds, free to make our dreams reality. Opportunity beckons because we are free. But a subtle change has been happening and the mindset of independence has begun to fade.

As a society, we have entrusted our well-being to federal government. We have abandoned the resilience and courage of our ancestors: the ones who crossed oceans, fled brutal regimes, settled new territory, braved the Underground Railroad. We have minimized the sacrifices of the noble hearts of those who came before us, the ones who left the safety of our borders in order to fight for the freedom and liberty of those oppressed. As a people we have agreed that the government must not only protect us abroad but at home as well; we have become so comfortable that we now value comfort and convenience over integrity and strength of character.

Presently, our personal autonomy is being threatened in the name of “the greater good” and “safety.” Our indivisibility is disappearing as we are separated into groups: the vaccinated and unvaccinated. Our rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness are vanishing as we are required to jump through vaccine hoops in order to enjoy to what we are rightfully entitled. When we glance over our shoulder and see the astounding strength of our ancestors who stand behind us, can we stand taller and hold our heads higher? Or are we confronted with our weakened stature because we have believed empty promises and swallowed flimsy arguments about safety at all costs?

The more we acquiesce to government overreach, the more we lose ourselves. We forget how to be and do and think on our own; we forget how good it is to be free! Heroes don’t have to be a thing of the past. Let’s remember September 11, 2001 and embrace that phrase made famous by Todd Beamer: “Let’s Roll!” Yes, heroism cost him his life but he recognized that there are things worse than dying with integrity. Living as a shadow of one’s self is much worse.