I am lost in my own little world right now. It’s one of those times in life when I feel alone and disconnected from those around me. Rather than rays of sunshine piercing the clouds of anxiety and despair, the clouds seem to grow darker and heavier each day. I can’t seem to see the positive right now…only my mistakes and failures. In times like this the exciting future appears to be anything but that.
What do I do? Where do I go? How do I stop this stream of negative thoughts? I tell myself over and over again that life is good; challenges make me stronger; I am connected to the people around me, even if I don’t always feel like it. Yet these mantras of positive speaking do little to pierce the haze of gloom. My spoken thoughts fall on deaf ears only to bounce back at me; people laugh and plan, but I’m not apart of it; daunting exams threaten to prove how little I know; my dreams seem to drift ever farther away and I have begun to expect only the worst to happen.
These days in the valley are not entirely useless. They cause me to reflect on what truly matters to me, where and how I should improve, what I am willing to give up and what I must hold on to. But I know that I must not stay here. To do so would define me as a marplot in God’s beautiful story for my life. In His munificent goodness, Christ reminds me that He has made me for good works; and when those lonely hours march on, He is there to comfort me with His kind words and loving reminders of His presence.
Yes, life is a series of mountains and valleys. While we are often more aware of the evil, the good is just as real. Focusing on the good does not need to be a luxury, nor does it have to be a symbol of naiveté. Perhaps it is a responsibility, for it means that we are thwarting any attempts to dwell on the negative that would render us useless for God’s glory. In God’s strength I will choose to take one more step forward, run one minute faster, study with an ounce more of determination, teach with one extra smile, hug my beloved pets one more time each evening, and give each person in my life one more chance…including myself.
If I allow life to become all about me it will become a very small world after all, and then I would really look foolish when I become lost in it.