Due to the fact that I am getting married in less than 4 months I receive many inquiries about how the wedding planning is coming along. Quite honestly, I think that other people are more excited about the actual wedding than I am. It’s not that I don’t want a wedding, or that I don’t think it will be a lovely experience. It’s simply that I can’t think beyond my fiance returning from his deployment. He and I have both been asked, together and individually, what we are most looking forward to about getting married and we have both responded that it will be not having to say good-bye.
Good-bye has defined our relationship. Whether it is in the evening when he goes home, on the phone after we have talked his whole commute back to the barracks, or when he left for this 11-week deployment, good-bye has been the most difficult thing to say to one another. We have waited our entire lives for each other and any type of separation, for any length of time, is painful. We count the months, weeks, days, hours, and minutes until we are in each other’s presence once more.
Despite the pain, especially of our current separation, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I can see that God is refining my love for this wonderful man. I am remembering all of the wonderful things he has done for me, including making a video of himself leading me in devotions every day that he is away. I am pondering the specific ways that I can show him I respect him versus just telling him that I do. I am recognizing what should be priority in our relationship and realizing how much I took for granted when he was still here. This time apart has magnified my gratitude that this man has come into my life and that he has no intention of ever leaving it.
We are not so naive as to think that there will never be times when we have to be apart. There is the day-to-day living and working that will require minor separation, and who knows what the Navy will require of us. But we do know that once we are married the number of times we have to say good-bye will be greatly reduced, and we know for a fact that we could not possibly survive the good-bye of divorce. No, we are each other’s missing half and we realize now that we really don’t like living as a mere half. It’s so much nicer to be whole.
Good-bye has been a blessing. Fare thee well good-bye.