I had leukemia as a young child and ever since I was old enough to truly understand the significance of that ordeal, I have worried about the effects it would have on my ability to bear children. Despite my doctors’ assurances that all would be well, I still worried. I prayed and tried to trust and rested in the hope that all would be fine. However, my fears increased when I got married. Now the truth would be revealed. As a single woman I could always delay knowing the truth, but marriage would be the final test. Again, people said not to worry if we didn’t get pregnant right away, but as newlywed couple after newlywed couple quickly conceived I battled my fears in tears. I beseeched God for peace, but He seemed so silent.
Finally, during a chapel service at our school, God spoke to my heart. He confronted me with pointed words. He said that I was wanting a child for my own sake and that was why I was in such turmoil over my empty womb. I needed to view my future offspring (whether one or many) as His children – selected and designed for His purposes. Yes, I would have the privilege of being entrusted with their care, but ultimately they would be on earth for the furtherance of His kingdom and glory. These children would come at an appointed time because only God could foresee when He would need them the most. Immediate peace flooded my heart and I clung to that encounter with God as the weeks passed.
As I write this my womb is no longer empty. It has been filled for the past 17 weeks and as this little one grows, so does my anticipation for this child’s purpose. I often ponder, with a hint of regret, about this child’s new life. All this new being has every known is the heart of God and my secure womb. These little ears have never heard crass language or the Almighty God’s name taken in vain. These brand new eyes have never seen Playboy images or sex scenes on TV. This tiny brain has never doubted the existence of God or considered harming a fellow being. Most of all, this fresh heart has never experienced guilt, shame, jealousy, anger, loneliness, fear, or any other negative emotion that haunts the human existence.
Yes, it is entering an evil world. Yes, it will experience the effects of being born with sin-tainted DNA. Yes, it will make mistakes – some deliberately and some in ignorance. Nevertheless, this child comes with a promise. He (or she) is being designed for such a time as this. This brand new human being has an integral part to play in redeeming mankind for God’s glory. As the mother of this special child, I will make sure that not a day goes by without God’s child being reminded of this.