How Things Change

As I sit at my computer reflecting upon the topic of this blog, I look around at the significant (and adorable) chaos that surrounds me. Toy cars lie scattered across the living room floor; baby girl clothes are drying on the line outside; storybooks are overflowing from their basket and my current read has a corner chewed off of the cover; a smudged sippy cup is sitting on the smudged table next to the VERY smudged chair next to mine. The giggles from the nursery have finally quieted and I think it is safe to assume my little companions have slipped into their naps. It’s almost time for me to rest as well, but I felt like assembling a few thoughts into written form.

I know I have said it before albeit in different terms, but much of motherhood is about losing oneself; this can be disconcerting at best, traumatic at worst. I have desperately fought to hold on to who I was just 4 short years ago only to discover that it is a losing battle. Life changes and so must I. By no means do I regret how much my life has changed; I simply want to meld my past and present together, to hold on to what I valued in the past in addition to what I value now, to do all I did back then AND all I do now.  I want to maintain an immaculate house, an exercise routine, a consistent daily/weekly/monthly schedule. I want to give my pets as much attention as I always have and be as fascinated with them as I was before kids, to avidly follow the news, and to keep a steady reading diet. I want to blog consistently each week, to be spontaneous on the weekends, and to have energy to do it all! I want to feel like I am me.

But maturation as an individual isn’t about getting what I want. It’s about embracing what I need. I need to recognize that my interests and abilities will change as my responsibilities increase; in fact, my responsibilities are revealing how much I am capable of accomplishing.  I need to learn that my standards can be adjusted without compromising what is important; in fact, they must be adjusted because of what is important. I need to accept that I am just as much myself now as I was before kids; in fact, I am even more myself because I am living out my heart’s desire with these precious new individuals.  I need to remember that the opposite of change is stagnation; in fact, to reach my full potential letting go of the past is imperative if I am to lay hold of the future. Everything I value is still a part of me; right now certain things play a lesser role in my daily routine than they once did. Once in a while I will be able to turn my full attention upon them and when those occasions arise I will enjoy it.

In the meantime, I’m going to navigate the sea of cars at my feet so I can check the laundry before snatching a few moments with my feet up.

What are some changes in your life that you are needing to accept?

About wordvessel

Aloha! This blog is a window into the active mind of a wife, mother, woman and individual. I may be busy every moment of every day, but I still have time to think. Many seasons have blossomed and faded within my life, and this blog has endured through all of them. It is safe to say that my writing has matured because of them. I hope that you will be inspired to think in fresh ways as you read my writing. To Jesus be all the glory.
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