As hard as it is to say this, today has been a rough day for me. Why? Ha! I wish I could give you a list of tear-worthy reasons, but I can’t. There has been a series of minor disappointments and irritating challenges over the past couple of days that finally got me down, but that’s it. Petty. Very petty. As I whimpered and whined through my day, all I could see was a grown up version of my two-year-old throwing a tantrum. That hurt.
At one point in my vent, my son said, “You can talk to me, Mama.” This came only a few short hours after he did his routine morning inquiry of, “Are you feeling better today? You’re not dizzy or sad or ti-word, Mama?” These precious words from my child are blunt confrontations of the example I am setting for the eyes that are upon me. That kind of hurts too.
When these moods hit me, for whatever reason, I always feel on the outside of all that is worthwhile. I hear my kids singing, laughing and cooing; I can feel the comforting hand of my husband on my shoulder as he tries to encourage me and solve my problems; I can sense the passing of the day – the only day I am guaranteed to live with my loved ones – and yet I’m not a part of it. That really hurts!
In the midst of all my needless sorrow, I received a refreshing phone call from a precious friend. She reminded me of God’s goodness and sovereignty. It is very true that “all things work together for good for those who are called…” and today falls under the heading of ALL. I needed all of these hurts because that’s one way the pruning and refining of my character happens. I need to see that I don’t handle disappointment or alterations to my plans all that well. It’s necessary for me to be convicted of my weaknesses in order to help my children through their own. I cannot turn a blind eye to the impact that my sinfulness has on my family. This kind of hurt is humbling and drives home the important lesson that I don’t have it all together, but I have a Savior who most certainly does.