I Don’t Have the Words

I feel the need to put this day into words. It started the night before with another midnight changing of pee-soaked sheets; despite the turbulent night I still decided to go to our splash pad play date. I’m still not sure if it was good I did or not – which is why I am writing about my day. You see, I ended up being that mom: that mom who was 40 minutes late, that mom who was disappointed she didn’t get in some long mom chats with friends because she was either feeding a baby, taking little people to the bathroom, or playing with clingy toddlers because they wouldn’t play by themselves. I was that mom who nearly burst into tears of frustration after having a wrestling match with her double stroller and the bathroom door in front of a bunch of people who enjoyed watching me rather than offering to help. Later on, I was that mom who tried to get everyone loaded into the van and headed home before any meltdowns ensued but despite my best efforts the baby screamed the entire half hour drive home. I was that mom who pulled into the garage feeling numb from head to toe, with millions of thoughts swirling in my head and no clue how to sort them.

I took some time to be still and let the thoughts swirl around without any filter. I know that it is easy for my mood to spiral downward when I feel unexpectedly stretched. In the effort to understand other people, I can lose touch with myself and need to make a point of getting reacquainted with me.  I especially need to allow my brain and mind to converse with each other. My brain tends to have trouble keeping up with the demands my mind places upon it. Being still offers the two a chance to meet in the middle. As I relaxed and pondered I realized that my initial reaction was to feel like the entire day was one big negative but further processing allowed the gems to shine. One of these was hearing my son’s voice in the midst of other child voices and feeling my heart warmed at its sound. Another gem was the unprompted kindness of my mom friends who made a point of coming to wherever I was in order to include me in conversation. And while the weather was hot it was an absolutely gorgeous day of breezes, sunlight glittering on the lake, and crystal clear spring water to gaze into.

My brain was extremely stressed today and in the heat of the moment it would have said that we will never leave the house again, but giving my mind a chance to process how I was feeling allowed me to come to terms with the stress.  It was real and it was rough but it was not bad and not worth settling into a negative mindset.  I think that experiencing the fullness of life means accepting the chaos and unexpected stress that will come with it. How is that for putting my day into words? I don’t know about you, but I feel a little better now.

About wordvessel

Aloha! This blog is a window into the active mind of a wife, mother, woman and individual. I may be busy every moment of every day, but I still have time to think. Many seasons have blossomed and faded within my life, and this blog has endured through all of them. It is safe to say that my writing has matured because of them. I hope that you will be inspired to think in fresh ways as you read my writing. To Jesus be all the glory.
This entry was posted in Personal Ponderings. Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to I Don’t Have the Words

  1. What a beautiful description of how hope and blessing emerge from our daily mess. Glad you live near a splash pad! I used to do that with our two. Have a blessed Saturday XoJulie

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Julie Petz says:

    Chaos can quickly make us feel overwhelmed and discouraged, but I learned long ago to breathe through those tense moments and remember that they can pass as quickly as they come! It’s tough, though, when you are in the midst of crying, complaining, difficulties, too many tasks for the moment, neediness, etc! I’m glad you came out! It was so good to see you and your children. And, hey, I was the last mom to arrive! 🙂 At least you weren’t THAT mom! 🙂


    • wordvessel says:

      You are so sweet and thoughtful! Haha! I thought you planned to come exactly when you did. 🤔😉 it encourages me to have a friend who is a few steps ahead of me in parenting. You are an example of how to be faithful.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s