I’ve strayed a bit from my 2018 goal of blogging twice a week, haven’t I? Lately I have been preoccupied with “finding myself”: my writing self, my married self, my mommy self, my friend self, my (fill in the blank) self. There’s been a lot going on with the extras piled on to the daily responsibilities. My husband continues to travel; our youngest was recently dedicated to Jesus; we had delightful house guests for the past 11 days; Thanksgiving; Christmas planning. You know, the usual busy – no more or less crazy than your life is, I’m sure.
But in the midst of it all I found myself getting extra impatient with small (and big) mishaps; I grew weary of interrupted sleep; I was angry at all the things I couldn’t get done; I resented the clutter; I was humiliated that my visitors were seeing the real side of my family in all its chaotic, noisy, smelly, messy glory. I felt a bit hypocritical at our son’s dedication where we were promising, before witnesses, to raise him in a way that pointed him to Jesus. I want to live Jesus for my husband, kids, neighbors, friends, neighbors and strangers every single day, but as of late I’ve been falling far too short. And so, I’ve been withdrawing from many things in order to determine what is necessary in each of the selves that make up who I am called to be. It’s easy to go through the motions of living and not be connecting to who you are in the midst of it.
What is necessary is a peaceful heart and a restful mind. I need to allow room for the unexpected extras. I need time to move at a toddler’s pace. I need ears that are eager to listen to chattering preschoolers who have very busy minds. I need a heart that savors the repetitive responsibilities that come with a home and family. I need expectations that match this season that is mine. It’s a slow season that moves all too quickly; an exhausting season that energizes the soul; a painful season that refines and sanctifies; a hands full, heart fuller, blessed season that may appear to last forever but is really only temporary. With Christ’s help I will identify my priorities for this season so that at it’s close I will have no regrets. It’s
With that said, I still plan to take some time each day to do things that decompress and refresh my own mind and spirit. These include daily devotions and reading, as well as weekly correspondence and blogging. I truly hope that you will be hearing more from me than you have in the past few months. Thank you for sticking with me in silences. Happy belated Thanksgiving and a Merry Christmas season!