I am not third trimester tired anymore since I can actually sleep when I have the chance to sleep. But I am still tired. On average, I am operating on 4 hours of sleep a day. If the baby sleeps, most likely someone else will be waking up during the night. And when morning comes I have to will my eyes to open and my body to leave the bed.
This morning my emotions were pretty low. My husband was at work, there were 5 babies to feed, dogs to walk, laundry to wash, a blog to write and texts needing answering. I wanted to cry (and probably did a little). Could I rewind to the day after delivery so I could stay in bed all day without guilt? I just wanted to rest a little longer.
And then my thoughts moved to a higher plane. Perhaps there is a way to rest mindfully if not physically. Perhaps it’s the mind that craves a peaceful state more than our bodies desire a horizontal state. And then I thought about my precious newborn. Left alone on his back he flails and cries and does not rest. But as soon as I pick him up and snuggle him with his arms and legs tucked under him and his body close to mine, he relaxes and sleeps.
I think that’s a picture of me too. On my own my mind and heart flail in panic at all that is required of me. My strength is inadequate for the intensity of my responsibilities. The more I flail the more exhausted I become. But if I draw near to Jesus and listen to His heart I can find rest in the midst of the labor. And if my heart is peaceful I can rest in the center of the chaos.