“Who is man that Thou art mindful of him?” This question, penned thousands of years ago, is still relevant today. I think everyone wants to know who they are, what they are and why they are. I know I do.
I am always asking myself why I hold the aspirations I have; why I’m feeling the way I do; what motivates me and what discourages me; and how I can improve. And then I wonder why I strive so hard only to fail again and again. I know the odds are against me until I’m with Christ in person. It’s easy for me to only see where I fall short, how I’m a stumbling block for others and the long list of should’s scrolling through my head. But that’s where my explorations continue.
As much as I long for perfect contentment I realize it will never happen. I will have moments of perfection but they won’t last. I am an imperfect human who will never achieve the perfection I desire in heart, home or happiness and I can see that that is a good thing. The fruit of my faith is finding God glorified in the mess:
- feeling the pain of others’ because I’ve felt pain too
- Refusing a critical spirit because I’m not a perfect mom either
- Love welling up inside when I see my children in the midst of their fits
- Learning to slow down and to embrace the slower pace
- Accepting the shorter to-do list and recognizing that life has still been well lived today
- Remembering I’ve been here before and will make it through again.
As I question and explore I go deeper into my faith and my God. Who can fathom “the breadth and length and height and depth” of God? It’s in my shortcomings that I’m reminded of the length of His mercy; it’s the desires of my heart that give depth to my prayers; it’s the fears and unknowns that fill me with gratitude for the breadth of His outstretched arms; and when life feels bleak my gaze reaches heavenward.