weeklythoughtexchange

“Who is man that Thou art mindful of him?” This question, penned thousands of years ago, is still relevant today. I think everyone wants to know who they are, what they are and why they are. I know I do.

I am always asking myself why I hold the aspirations I have; why I’m feeling the way I do; what motivates me and what discourages me; and how I can improve. And then I wonder why I strive so hard only to fail again and again. I know the odds are against me until I’m with Christ in person. It’s easy for me to only see where I fall short, how I’m a stumbling block for others and the long list of should’s scrolling through my head. But that’s where my explorations continue.

As much as I long for perfect contentment I realize it will never happen. I will have moments of perfection but they won’t last. I am an imperfect human who will never achieve the perfection I desire in heart, home or happiness and I can see that that is a good thing. The fruit of my faith is finding God glorified in the mess:

• feeling the pain of others’ because I’ve felt pain too
• Refusing a critical spirit because I’m not a perfect mom either
• Love welling up inside when I see my children in the midst of their fits
• Learning to slow down and to embrace the slower pace
• Accepting the shorter to-do list and recognizing that life has still been well lived today
• Remembering I’ve been here before and will make it through again.

As I question and explore I go deeper into my faith and my God. Who can fathom “the breadth and length and height and depth” of God? It’s in my shortcomings that I’m reminded of the length of His mercy; it’s the desires of my heart that give depth to my prayers; it’s the fears and unknowns that fill me with gratitude for the breadth of His outstretched arms; and when life feels bleak my gaze reaches heavenward.

Exploration means offering yourself opportunities to see things from a different perspective; it means admitting that you don’t know everything; it means being willing to learn something new. Explorers need to be humble because what you discover might shine light on what better ways to live or correct mistakes you didn’t even realize you were making.

Friendship is a fantastic way of encountering a variety of perspectives since every friend has a unique personality, passion and plan for life. I am blessed with friends all over the world and the United States who are seeking to live well. Through them I have learned that my way of living isn’t the only way to live.

Truthfully, I struggle with insecurity fed by pride. I feel like if someone else does something differently than I do it means I’m wrong and if I’m wrong I’m a failure. Jesus is working with me on this and one tool He is using is friendship. This summer He surprised me with an abundance of IN-PERSON visits with beloved friends. Oh! There’s nothing like being able to chat face-to-face! I have also been building brand new friendships and cultivating faithful friendships. In all of these I have discovered a wealth of wisdom for how to live victoriously.

It’s impossible to know all there is to know about teaching, parenting, marriage, loving Jesus, and living well. There simply aren’t enough hours in a lifetime! But you can certainly tag-team life together with quality friends. Here are some exploration tips to go deeper with your friends:

• Discuss your latest reads
• Share thoughts on news headlines
• Swap recipes
• Brainstorm parenting challenges
• Be honest about your mishaps
• Glean new ideas
• Pray together
• Provide fashion tips
• Inspire healthy living habits
• Build one another up in the faith
• Hold each other accountable
• Don’t hesitate to inquire

I am thankful that my friends aren’t just like me. We share similar desires, values and interests but our approaches to living are unique. This provides all of us with a sampling of life experiences that we would otherwise miss. And I’m discovering that doing things differently from others doesn’t mean I’m wrong or a failure. There’s freedom in that discovery.

How have you been enriched by your friendships?

A new month means a new series and this month’s is a prequel to what’s coming in September: education, a theme very close to my heart. I think that a cornerstone of education is exploration: wanting to know the what’s, why’s, and how’s of existence on this planet called earth.

Children are born with an innate desire to explore. Everything is new to them and guiding their explorations can make the world a brand new place for their teachers. Every first is a new first for me with each child: the first encounter with bubbles makes bubbles all the more wonderful; the first look at the Christmas tree is more magical each year; the first trip to the zoo is greater in its excitement. And as their vocabulary grows and minds develop the discoveries do too.

“How does the soap dispenser open up in the dishwasher?”

“What makes cars move?”

“Why do bees pollinate?”

“Where does the water go when it goes down the drain?”

“How does bacteria get inside of us?”

“What is an idol?”

“Why do bad guys have birthdays?”

“How can a bad guy love Jesus?”

Each question makes me explore the world a little deeper myself. I realize that I have settled with what I already know while life beckons with greater mysteries I have yet to discover. I have an inkling that there are many great adventures ahead as the exploring continues- both in our physical world and in our faith.

Is there still an explorer within your heart?

We have that phrase memorized: “…that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” I remember teaching the Declaration of Independence to my middle school students and explaining that the right to pursue happiness does not give us a license to do whatever we want at the expense of someone else’s rights. It does mean that we have the right to seek a fulfilled life and experience the freedom that is ours as citizens of a great nation. That freedom might look differently than what we would expect.

I have observed how much I struggle to keep myself in front and center – even in my spiritual life. My prayers focus on me or matters concerning those closest to me:

“Give me wisdom (or strength or peace or joy)”

“Heal them”

“Protect us”

“Help me”

And in the midst of the trials, whether they be minor irritants or major suffering my attention is on how they are affecting me and diminishing my personal comfort. It is natural for a human to be aware of himself above all; it defines the Christian to seek God glorified above all.

The Christian will find ultimate freedom in seeking Christ’s interest before his own. Since my heart has been enlightened to this truth I have been actively raising my gaze heavenward when the demands of the temporal clamor loudest.

When I am fatigued and don’t know if I’ll last through the day I seek God glorified.

When my back is aching and there’s still dinner to prepare I seek God glorified.

When my husband and I see differently on an issue I seek God glorified.

When 5 of my 5 children are screaming or being defiant all at once I seek God glorified.

When the two-year old needs to be potty-trained I seek God glorified.

When my tongue yearns to criticize or judge I seek God glorified.

When the future is overwhelming I seek God glorified.

When I’ve been hurt and bitterness beckons I seek God glorified.

God provides the storm and God provides the blessing. Our prayer in the heart of the storm should not be for it to abate but for God to be glorified in how we weather it. The blessing comes not when the storm is over but in how our conduct throughout the storm brought praise and glory to our God.

How gloriously freeing to no longer consider myself in this life but in all things to pursue God glorified!

I have a thought to share: God designed pockets of rest into our daily existence. Why is this significant to me? Because I don’t slow down unless I am forced to be still. However, with this new baby I am guarding his feeding times as a chance to sneak away and savor rather than multitasking during his care. That’s what prompted these thoughts on rest and the freedom therein.

I view rest as a luxury, something I can only do if there is absolutely nothing else to do. Even when I am being still I feel I need to grab a book or pick up my phone. I save baby snuggles or playtime with the children as a relaxing incentive to get all my other things done while those restful times of fun are highlights of my day. Reading, journaling, sipping tea and seeing, sitting outside and thinking, these are all favorite forms of rest that I am always hoping to do when I have a spare moment.

But God designed us for rest which makes it as much of a necessity as respiration and food. And when there is a balance of rest and work we thrive! Take note of those little moments to be still: the bathroom breaks, sitting down to a meal, tucking children in bed, waiting in line at a grocery store, walking the dog… what can you add to the list?

There is freedom in embracing God’s perfect design. When we rest we can see beyond the surface clutter of the busy moment. Delight in rest!

I write for two reasons:

1. To write- it’s how I process life. As soon I could fluently put sentences on paper I have been writing and I have a journal collection as witness.
2. To testify to God’s faithfulness- He has called me to be His servant and He works mightily in my life. I must declare what He does.

And that is why I am writing today. I am not writing to flaunt my weaknesses or to seek advice; it would be easy to blog about my ideals and skew my words in order to imply that my life aligns with them perfectly. But it doesn’t. I struggle.

Most days it seems like the trials seize control. These postpartum emotions are all too real; they stalk me, taunt my inadequacies, and threaten to conquer when I am at my lowest point. Without them I would bravely face my husband’s work trips, not lose my cool with incessant harmonica playing and not sit on the floor sobbing after the one-year old pours a can of pee (don’t ask!) on himself and later locks himself in his room. I would roll my eyes in exasperation at the continual clutter surrounding me but not despair; I would feel blessed by having dogs and kids velcroed to my side all day (well, maybe blessed is too saintly a description).

I often lie awake at night reflecting on my day and regretting every lost opportunity for filling memories with love and gentleness rather than impatience, anger and harsh tones. My eyes will tear up with immense love for the little people that were so exasperating during nap time or went to bed screaming just moments before. I feel shame for even having this postpartum struggle because I should “know better.”

As real as these postpartum lows are Christ is greater than their reality. After a stressful nap time He reminds me that there can be bedtime snuggles. During a long night He soothes me with the thought that tomorrow is a fresh start. And after a desperate mother’s prayerful plea for help with a locked door, it swung open- reminding me that in the loneliest moments I am not alone.

It was that first act of defiance in the face of GOD so long ago that forever altered our DNA. Defiance towards our Creator is now our default and our nature demands the anointing of self as king rather than the King of kings. We shun submission, scorn surrender and scoff at servitude to the Almighty God, never pausing to consider the very fact of our existence in the first place. At what point before we existed did you or I determine our own conception? We loftily think that exercising our free will defines our freedom; in reality, it is we who forge our own chains.

Not long ago I gained a better understanding of this concept of freedom when I observed my two-year old at the splash park. She was reluctant to venture out but after some coaxing she attempted a new part of the play area on her own. As she was climbing the stairs, she paused and scanned for my face. Once she saw I was watching, she smiled and went forward with more spring in her step. In that moment I recognized that my freedom is found, not when I’m on my own, doing things my way, but when I’m in the presence of God. Under His love-filled gaze I can enjoy and explore life, confident that He will guide and prompt me as He deems best.

Our society revolts against God at every turn. It is driven by emotions , follows the heart and worships self- all of which lead only to destruction. Ironically, the freedom we seek is found in dethroning self and pledging allegiance to our Maker.

July. The year is more than halfway to its completion but it seems like yesterday when we celebrated a festive Christmas season. And yet time has continued its steady tread to a destination only known by God. I ponder man’s relationship with time and the unquenchable yearning for something other than what we have.

Freedom. There are many nuances to this concept and this month I plan to unwrap some of those nuances. I am sure our immediate image of freedom is one of fireworks on the Fourth of July, but even that has deeper meanings than is usually considered. We say it’s our nation’s birthday but when was the last time we dug into the history books and relived the incredible sacrifices of those who birthed this land?

Freedom. Is it the permission to do whatever we want? Does the pursuit of happiness give us license to indulge in every whim and fancy stemmed from an avoidance of want and pain? And what if your desire inhibits my sense of freedom? What then? These are questions that only lead back to the ultimate Source of freedom and a recognition that the only chains worth considering are the chains that stretch into eternity.

Freedom. The absence of fear. A clear conscience. Peace with who I am. A foundation of unshakable joy in the midst of great sorrow or intense depression. An assurance that my sin debt has been paid in full by Jesus Christ. The knowledge that the Almighty God knows my name.

Freedom to live and work and play and worship without fear of imprisonment, torture or death is priceless. But the freedom that comes through a saving relationship with our Creator God is infinitely greater.

How would you describe freedom?

Perhaps it’s because I’m so desirous of rest that it seems elusive; or maybe I’m aware of the need to practice rest and therefore am more conscious of where I’m lacking in that discipline. On this particular weekend I caught both glimpses of how I should be and why it is difficult for me to remain in that restful state of mind.

Our family took a day trip and despite the challenges that arise when taking #5under5 on a mini road trip and away from their routines, I was peaceful. Just 24 hours later I was bombarded with all the details of managing our household and found it incredibly daunting. Why the change in my peace?

During my devotions this morning I believe that God revealed the missing link: rest and peace come when I tune into the quiet voice of Jesus more than the clamor of my responsibilitiesTo keep Jesus the focus of my gaze is much easier said than done; however, that needs to be the goal of each day rather than my to-do list or parenting or my marriage. When I am striving with life on my own strength even the littlest task can appear insurmountable but when I make Him the center of each moment even a mountain is moveable.

Once again I have encountered the truth that quiet can be found in the loud, rest in the midst of busy and peace in the eye of the storm.