weeklythoughtexchange

As a little girl, I found comfort in my Pa’s hands. I simply knew that his hands could fix anything that was broken, tend anything that was hurt, and make anything that my little heart desired.  I knew that if he told me to jump, his hands would catch me.  My little heart would skip a beat when he held my hand. Though my hand was so small engulfed in his, I felt like the luckiest princess ever to exist when his hand held mine.

My Beloved’s hands have a similar effect on me.  They assure me that I will always be protected by them and provided for through them.  His hands are always ready to help me in whatever way they can, either by carrying all the groceries from the car, grading tests for me, or supporting me when I don’t feel well.  When my hand is safely ensconced in his I feel valued to the utmost and absolutely comforted.

This past week my little Sunday school children sang, “He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands.” I pondered the words of this song because I was feeling vulnerable to fear and worry at the time.  I had just learned that I was going to be facing some silence from my fiancé because he would be away from any Internet service.  As I was lifting my fears up to God I saw an image of His hands stretched out as far as they could go. I was in one of His hands and my Love was in the other. In that moment I understood that my Love is no farther from God’s heart when he is absent from me than he is when we are together. The whole world is my God’s hands and is cherished by Him.  All my fear dissipated with that wondrous revelation.

Throughout the week I had several opportunities to be stressed and anxious. In fact, I was stressed and anxious several times. Yet each time I recalled Sunday’s lesson on trust and I sought to apply it. Jesus proved faithful every time.  I truly did learn that in His hands my loving Savior bears the proof of His great love for me. In His hands I am safe from all harm and all of my needs will be met; I am adored, comforted, and secure.  And when I am most fearful or anxious I can fall into His arms for His hands will catch me.

“And the seed in the good soil, these are the ones who have heard the word in an honest and good heart, and hold it fast, and bear fruit with perseverance.” Luke 8:15

I read this verse towards the end of my week, and it caught my attention because it reiterated the lesson of my week: endurance.  It is with endurance that we bear the fruit of God’s Word in our lives.   As I reflect back on my week, I am led to ask 3 questions:

– When does one need endurance? One needs endurance when the strain of life begins to wear on the soul.  One needs it when you feel like you’ve been running the same lap of the race over and over without drawing any closer to the finish line.  Endurance is needed when you feel like you have exhausted every resource available to you and drained every ounce of energy in your heart and body.  One needs endurance when you’re overwhelmed with missing your loved one and you feel like it’s been years since you last saw his face.

-How does one endure?  It’s simple enough to recognize the need for endurance, but how does one actually do it? One endures by seizing the opportunity to apply all that has been taught and learned up until that moment.  One endures by reviewing how God has proved Himself faithful through prior darkness and previous trials.  One endures by refusing to linger in despair or dwell on the aching of the heart.  One endures by refusing to give up.

-What does endurance look like? I have spoken in generalities up until now. I know that specifics are needed to prompt application.  This week I learned that endurance is not about an easy life.  It’s about getting up morning after morning after morning, choosing joy, and trusting God to keep His word.  As I proceed into the 7th week of separation from my Beloved I still experience waves of loneliness or incredible throbs of missing him.  And in those moments I review each lesson I’ve had so far: lessons on relationships, on valuing time, on leaning into Christ, on gratitude, and on going deep with Jesus.  Endurance also involves an awareness of pain that is greater than mine.  I know of at least 3 other families that are undergoing separation that is two to three times longer than mine. I know of many widows who face separation from their Beloved for the rest of their life.  I have much to be thankful for and little to complain out.  Endurance reminds me to check my attitude.  I am not the only one on this journey because I am not the only one in this relationship. My best friend is in this too. My attitude affects his. He is counting on me to be strong and live well. Remembering how much  I love him and want to support him motivates me to endure until the finish line.

For those of us who are called to endure, we have the example of the One “who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the thrown of God.”  It is unlikely that any of us face a literal cross, but each day we are faced with the challenges that seek to rob us of our joy and shame us with failure.  It might be the large cross of a 365-day separation from your spouse; it might be a smaller cross of having to go to a new school in a brand new state; it might be the daily cross of a severe health issue or depression or an estranged relationship; it might be the life cross of living with bereavement.  Whatever it is, we are called to endure.

Endurance is the call of Christ. He is the example of endurance and we are called to follow His example. As we endure, we encounter Him for He promises to trade our yoke for His.  His yoke is the peace that comes from knowing Him and having fellowship with His Father.  This week I learned that my lessons from summer school are actually settling into my mind and heart.  I have learned that my attitude can either make this summer easier or harder on my Love as he goes through his endurance training. I learned that there are others very close to me who must endure much more than me right now, and I can be an encouragement to them.  I learned that if I endure I can enter into joy!

It is a proven fact that humans are relational beings.  We start out in a family, grow up in a community, and become members of society.  We learn from a very young age that we want to have friends, and we usually do some pretty drastic things to find them and keep them.  We interact with other people, willingly or not, every single day.  Relationships are vital to a healthy, happy life.  The absence of relationships creates a significant void in our lives.

This week I became more consciously aware of dimensions to relationships that I often overlook, or at least do not reflect upon.  This summer I had made it a goal to spend intentional time with the most important people in my life before everything changes: my family.  I have been trying to spend quality time with them every week; I have been successful in the time aspect, but I’m afraid that there were a few times where it felt like I was going through the motions.  This week I put forth the effort to truly be with them when I was with them.  My heart was notably more content after doing so.

One relationship in particular has stood out to me at the conclusion of this week. That is the one I have with my mom.  My mom is the only person who I have been connected to from the initial existence of my life.  She has walked with me through every change and challenge I have ever experienced.  I know that I have taken her for granted more than any other person I have known.  I will put on my smiley face for everyone else when I am down, except for her.  I will go out of my way to be helpful to others when I’m tired, except with her.  I know that she has received unkindness from me in more ways  than I can count, and yet she patiently seeks me out to love me more.   This week I realized that this is the last summer that I will be spending at home, like normal, with my mom.  These will be the last evening walks with just the two of us; the last breakfasts on our sun deck as just the two of us; the final goodnights and good mornings on a daily basis.  We will always be connected to one another, but things will be different.  Why did I take so long to fully grasp this?  I love my mom. I don’t want to take her for granted anymore.

I also realized that a deep relationship requires very hard work to maintain.  I am so thankful that I have e-mail access with my fiancé while he is away. We had not expected that.  We eagerly e-mail one another as often as possible and over the past week or so we have begun to pursue even more depth in our correspondence than before.  This takes a concerted effort but it has been paying off.  Now when we are reunited we can simply pick up where we left off in our last e-mail.  However, as  I said before, this takes deliberate time and effort.  He has to go out of his way to e-mail me.  The computer is in a separate section of the ship from where his quarters are, and he often has to get up extremely early and or stay up extremely late in order to get time to use it.   It is not always easy for me to keep writing to him when I’ve gone a few days without hearing from him. And it takes time to think of questions to ask each other that can generate a quality discussion.   But the new level of depth that our relationship has reached is absolutely worth the effort.

And so it is with the most important relationship a person could ever have – the one with our Savior, Jesus Christ.  Our life begins and ends with Him. He knows us better than our mom or spouse ever could. He has endured the worst for us and usually receives the worst from us in return. If we would only recognize that the relationship with Him is the only relationship that can completely satisfy and fulfill our entire being. Our identity must be in Him.  In order to experience this fulfillment in Christ we must be intentional in the time we spend with Him.  He pursues us and He waits for us, but He will never force us to be close to Him.   Like every healthy relationship, it must be a mutual endeavor.  Don’t take Him for granted. Walk with Him, talk with Him, be still with Him, experience life with Him.     It is absolutely worth the effort.

One of the things that I don’t miss while I am on summer vacation is the occasional encounter with the student that thinks he should be the teacher. Every class has one or two (sometimes three) of this type.  Not only does the student’s mindset distract the others who are trying to learn, it prevents him from learning all that he could because he is more focused on giving instructions than receiving them. The process of reminding him of his role as student is an uncomfortable one for all involved; the learning environment is only fulfilling when all members remember who they are.

That, my eager readers, is what I learned this past week in summer school.  I was struggling with various types of fear and anxieties regarding the absence of My Love.  I would make lists in my mind of everything that could go wrong during this time of separation and then I would think, “But if I was with him I know everything would be fine.” And that is where my Instructor stepped in.  “So you know better than I what my students need to learn? Are you the teacher in this classroom?” were His probing questions.  I bowed my head in shame.  The conversation was all too familiar, for it is the very one I have had so many times with my young pupils: “Excuse me, who is the  teacher in this classroom?” 

The main purpose of Summer School 2013 is to grow each of us deeper into our Savior.  For my fiance and I, the results of this deeper relationship with Christ will be a deeper connection with one another and a healthier, stronger marriage.  In our marriage we will each have different roles to fill.  He must be the provider, protector, and spiritual leader of our family.  He can only do so correctly by being utterly dependent on Jesus and this can only be if he is tested in extreme ways in order to build that reliance on Christ.   In our marriage I must be able to submit to my husband’s authority and, ultimately, Christ’s authority. This means that I will need to trust both of them. Trusting them doesn’t mean I have no fear; it means that I acknowledge that their love is more powerful than whatever it is I fear.  None of these lessons are simple ones to learn.  They require intense one-one-one tutelage, but we could not have a better Teacher.

I now see that I was having such difficulty this summer because I was trying to be the teacher once again.  Recognizing this tendency has brought me profound peace.  I want my teacher to be my Teacher, and I also do not want to interfere with my classmate’s learning.  We have a few more challenging weeks ahead of us, but the celebration at the end of school is going to be worth it!

The required reading for my summer studies includes my past journals. Doing so has reminded me of lessons learned throughout the years, and I have benefited from reviewing the many ways God has continued to work in, on, and through me. In one entry I referenced a visit to a church cemetery in Switzerland. I had gone there to reflect and pray, and I sat upon a bench that was next to a tall wooden cross. Within my vision was the village clock, positioned upon the church’s bell tower. There was something powerfully symbolic about the cross and the clock that resonated in my soul. I recorded the moment for future pondering.

That pondering came in class this past week. Truth be told, I do not think I passed the class this week, or if I did, it was with a very poor grade. More than likely my Instructor will be having me do a lot of review and a few make-up tests. After the previous post, I thought I had this whole summer school thing mastered. Nope. That thought was an epic fail. I have been striving so hard to live well this summer that I have hardly been living at all. I have not taken the time to be still and internalize the knowledge that He is God. I am, in fact, fighting Time and by doing so, I am fighting Christ.

I have been viewing Time and Jesus as separate entities.  Time is a tool of Christ’s will. He uses it to refine individuals, draw His children closer to Himself, and bring glory to His name. If I rebel against the nature of Time in my life, I am directly rebelling against the Timekeeper. In my case, God has given me these precious weeks to be still, reflect, make memories, and prepare for the significant changes in the autumn.  Never again will I have a summer quite like this or be able to make these specific memories with the beloved people who surround me right now. The lesson seems obvious enough, does it not? So what is the catch?

The challenge is in the letting go. When I surrender to the divine pace of Time, I feel like I am losing control. But that’s not true. I was never in control of Time in the first place. All that I am “letting go” of is my will and that is a step of faith. It is saying that I trust God’s plan more than mine. It is showing appreciation for the life He has given me.  The more I think about it, the more I realize that life is all about letting go. This is why I, as a Christian, can live freely and with rejoicing. I can allow God to design His pattern in the details of my schedule. When my plans go awry, I can relax because that is a mere reminder of a temporal world. Yet as temporal as this earth is, Jesus is eternal. He works in spite of me. He does not need a perfect human in me in order to accomplish His will. His will shines through my imperfection. This is why I can rejoice.

I am disappointed with how I lived last week, but I don’t want it to have been a wasted week. I pray that from this point forward I will allow disappointments and failures to slip quickly from my shoulders. I want to live freely in Christ’s strength and righteousness. He will work through me of His own accord and in that I can rejoice! May that be my daily heartbeat: Rejoice!  And now that I see how I have been fighting Time, and therefore Jesus, I will seek to take control of my fear of being still.  I will invite Jesus to come into the details of my life and hand Him my planner so that He can arrange it according to His will. I will visit with Him, giving Him my full attention…and I will hide the clock.

The lesson of this past week’s summer school studies started out strong on Monday.  There was a strong emphasis on priorities, namely, remembering Jesus. I am one who is very quick to name drop His name throughout my conversation and in my writing, but on Monday I was forced to ponder how deeply I am allowing Him to influence me as an individual. One of my favorite self-made quotes is, “Jesus Is Realer.” He is “realer” than anything connected to this world, I like to say.  But how do I know that I really believe that? Do my actions support my words?

One of the hardest parts about my fiance’s absence is how it makes our relationship more intangible. I know it is there, but I don’t have his physical presence to support it. Instead, I need to rely on the memories we have made together and the words he has shared with me, both written and spoken, to remind me that he is real.  Then I need to make sure that my life reflects the commitment we have with one another.  I need to live in such a way that I, and those around me, recognize that I am joyfully connected to this wonderful man.  The same is true for my relationship with Jesus; it is not an entirely tangible one.  I must rely on His written words in the Bible, as well as His discreet involvement in my daily routine, to remind me of my commitment to Him. I want to live in such a way that the observing world will have no doubt that He is real to me. How do I do that?

This week I was taught 3 specific ways to live my love for Jesus:

1. Reflect on the character of Jesus.  Charles Spurgeon once said, “It seemed as if hell were put into His cup; He seized it, and at one tremendous draught of love, he drank damnation dry.” That is an awesome love!  The deeper I reflect on who Jesus is, what He did, and how He loves  I can only fall deeper in love with Him.

2. Respond to the love of Jesus. A signature of love is that when one has it for someone else, one desires to show it to that person. The more I love my fiance, the more I want to assure him of my love.  The same is true for the love I have for my Savior. I want Him to know that I love Him! I can do that by dedicating this summer to Him. He has gifted me with this one-on-one summer with Him.  I want every action I perform, every word I speak, and every thought I think to be dedicated to Jesus. As I view my summer from this perspective it becomes a summer of glorious todays, rather than endless tedium.  All of life should be viewed from such a positive angle.

3. Receive the presence of Jesus. One of the most wonderful qualities of Jesus is that His presence becomes tangible as one focuses on others.  I have found that one of the best ways to love Him is to sincerely care for others.  Loving Him first enables me to love other people in the way I desire to love them: listening, serving, caring, etc.  The more real Jesus becomes to me, the more I truly see, hear, and love the people around me.  I also need to give Him time to become real to me. In those moments when I am sad or lonely I am learning to wait confidently for His comfort to descend on me versus quickly running to another person to do so.  And His comfort does come, in His time. 

As in every other relationship, depth matters in our walk with God. The shallows are fine if one wants to merely play in the sea; however, if one wishes to sail the high seas it requires strength, determination, and deep water. All of which require the sacrificing of comfort and familiarity. I know that I want to be radiantly in love with Jesus Christ when I walk down the aisle to meet my bridegroom and that will require this summer of sacrifice. I am willing because I want them both to know I love them.

As the school year came to an end last week, my students gave many a pitying glance to their peers whose summer plans involved summer school.  School does not usually make the top three ways to enjoy summer break.  However, it is where many of us find ourselves this year.  When my fiance reflected on his deployment thus far he said that he is  looking forward to our reunion, but “I am content to be here where I am, in God’s classroom,” I could identify with that analogy because I love school and everything associated with it.

I started to reflect on other extreme challenges that I have had over the years and I noticed that it wasn’t uncommon for them to climax over a summer. For example, when I was 12, my first puppy died at the end of May and I had to work a paper route that whole summer in order to save up enough money to buy my second dog.  Jump forward 12 summers or so, my heart was broken when my boyfriend ended our relationship just a day before I left on a summer trip.  I grieved that entire summer and thensome.  Call it coincidence if you will, but I think that God has an affinity for summer school.  Perhaps He knows that over the summer we tend to relax, take in the sun, and interact with other people in a way that we normally don’t during the rest of the year.  This change of pace allows us to better handle some of the more difficult trials that must come our way at some point in order for us to reach the next level of refinement.

With that said, here I am in summer school once more. I’m about 10 days into this class and the focus has been on trust – trusting my fiance’s love for me even while he is so far away and communication is sporadic; trusting my family and friends to give me the counsel I need to hear when I start to get discouraged; trusting myself as I seek to become the best helpmeet I can be for My Love; and most of all, trusting Jesus as He guides me through His summer syllabus.  He knows what I need to learn the most.  

My plan is to write a weekly update on what I am learning in class each week.  I know that I am not the only one attending summer school, though we may all be in separate classes.  I hope that what I share may be an encouragement to you.

The journey towards marriage is a revelatory one. It strips one of all false self-perceptions and reveals shallow pretenses. It wasn’t until the reality of my engagement, and the brand new life it signified, settled upon me that I recognized how much in my personal bubble I had resided.

I have never been before been so confronted with my self-absorption! My life has been all about me: my wants, my needs, my feelings, my routine, my expectations, my dreams, my goals, my fears, etc. All of my decisions and judgments regarding life were based on my emotions at the moment or my opinion at the time. Rarely have I put another first in my thoughts for self’s face always pops up first in my mind.   This confrontation with me has not been pleasant.

Ironically, this confrontation did not come directly from my future husband. In no way has he ever judged me, manipulated my emotions, or even sought to convict me of my selfishness. He does the opposite with such sincerity.  He affirms, encourages, comforts, and listens to me. It his pure, sacrificial, and constant love that has convicted me; it is a reflection of the love that I desire to give him, and I know that this love can only come from Christ.

John 15:12-13 state, “This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one that this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.”  I know without a doubt that my fiancé would give his life for mine without hesitation for that is how deep his love is for me.  Before now I had never considered that I can do the same for him.

Laying down my life for him can me that I put my own interests aside and focus completely on how I can provide the support he needs. It means going the extra mile to be joyful even when I don’t feel like it at first because I know that my smile delights him; it means affirming him when he feels discouraged; it means surprising him by texting him first; it means preparing his lunch for the next day even if I’m tired; it means moving towards him when I feel like withdrawing.

The journey towards marriage is a cleansing one. It is a daily reminder that my life is not all about me. In order to become completely the one Jesus wants me to be I must pop my personal bubble and step out into a much larger world of love and sacrifice. Yes, Jesus is right. The greatest sign of true love is valuing My Love’s heart above my own and delighting in doing so.

What is a living faith? I look around me and wonder.  In a country where many would be quick to claim the name Christian, in a land where few would  condone violence, tyranny, or criminal acts, in a state where love is supposed to be embraced and proliferated, I am still seeking evidence of the faith we claim to have.  “So what does it mean to have a living faith?” I ask myself.

A living Christian faith is one where Scripture is read and applied.  This sounds quite simple, but in reality it is impossible to do in our own strength.  Chapter one of Romans is just one of many biblical passages that emphasizes God’s standard for godly living. It is an impossible standard to meet unless we are closely walking with Him.  I am certain that there are few people who would verbally disagree with living a godly life.  We all can attest to the quality of living that comes from a clear conscience.  We wouldn’t deny that a sexually pure lifestyle avoids great heartache.  We would adamantly agree that life is something that should be cherished and respected.  Who wouldn’t say that it’s wrong to demean others or to treat them cruelly?  No one wants to be lied to and we all understand that speaking truth is a sign of good character.  Yet we are living contradictions; on a daily basis we live the exact opposite of what we claim to believe, while expecting others to live what they claim.  What is going on?

Our God is a god of absolutism. There are no shades of gray in His nature. He sees life in terms of light and dark, good and evil, truth and absence of truth.   He has set these standards in order to purge evil from His presence. Our God desires to build a personal relationship with people, yet our sin separates us from Him.  It is for our good and His glory that He has set His standard for holiness; understanding His standard and recognizing that we can’t meet them should drive us to know Him more.  This should be the witness of the Christian community. But is it?

With disconcerting frequency I encounter an avoidance of God’s standard within the Christian community. Few people are willing to speak out against the atrocity of abortion or the acceptance of homosexuality in our society, and among Christians themselves. We have bought the slogan of tolerance, only to treat those who do testify to God’s truth with extreme intolerance.  Anger and resentment are leveled at those who speak out against the hot issues of our time: abortion, homosexuality, individual responsibility, even the disappearance of religious liberty.  All of this is done in the name of “separation of church and state.”  It is as if we believe that the Bible should not be applied to anything that has made an appearance in Washington D.C. Do we think that if it has been talked about by politicians it should not be mentioned in the church?

I am not saying that the pulpit should become a soapbox. I do not think that the church should become political headquarters.  What I would like to see is an honest application of biblical truths to every aspect of life, and that includes the moral issues affecting the society we live in. This doesn’t mean that I believe all Christians should sign-wave or walk in protest marches; it does mean that I think Christians should hold God’s truths close to their heart and actually live out what they believe. By doing so we can have a greater impact on our communities, and this impact can spread to Washington.   Salt and light – two elements whose existence cannot be denied.  May that be true of Bible-living Christians.